Honesty hour: my heart so badly wants to have answers as a response to people's questions about my post-graduation // post summer plans — for them to nod their heads and say, "We feel good about you going out into the world because you have a plan."
There seems to be infinite bright + shiny potential dancing in front of me but my vision is blurry so I can't see what's right there. The world feels so big and I feel like such a small Kate.
Here's the thing, though. Last week I planted a tiny seed in a dirt filled dixie cup. I knew it would be easy to throw away when it didn't grow because I am notorious for having a black thumb. I can't even keep succulents alive.
But I remembered to water it a little bit every day and kept it perched on a sunny windowsill. I frequently checked on it, impatiently begging it to start growing. Each time I looked, there was only dirt but I kept nurturing the seed in the slightest chance it would work.
I came home tonight and there was a tiny, hopeful bud peeking from the soil. When all I could see was dirt, the seed's roots were beginning to grow out of sight.
So here's my answer to the question. Right now, God is planting a metaphorical seed in my heart and is nurturing it with water, sunlight + patience. I cannot see a bloom yet but oh, how the roots are growing. Give me a little time as I pray the crazy "God, plant these seeds... help them to bloom when I'm supposed to see them, do with me what you will and I'll do it" prayer.
Patience. Trust that roots are growing and at the right moment, I will be able to give a concrete answer.
|| Habbakuk 2:3 ||